MY SWEET, SWEET BUBBA, MY SON AND BEST FRIEND OF 18 YEARS DIED TUES
MORNING AROUND 1 AM...PART OF ME DIED TOO. I JUST WANT THIS BAD DREAM TO END. THIS
CAN'T BE REAL. IT'S A PAIN UNLIKE ANY I'VE YET TO EXPERIENCE. 18 YEARS OF
LOVE AND CARING AND NURTURING...SLEEPING NEXT TO MY HEAD EVERY NIGHT
CUDDLED UP, HIS PAW STRETCHED OUT INTO MY HAND...LOOKING INTO MY EYES UNTIL
HE WAS SURE I'D DRIFTED OFF...ONLY THEN WOULD HE PUT HIS HEAD DOWN, SIGH AND
DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP WITH ME. A BEAUTIFUL SOLID BLACK MAINE COON. HE WAS BIG
AND STRONG, WITH A TAIL THAT WOULDN'T STOP, AND HIS EYES~~THEY IMMEDIATELY
PIERCED YOUR SOUL WITH A LOOK OF KNOWING. WE HAD A CONNECTION I'LL NEVER
HAVE AGAIN. I'VE HAD MANY CATS IN MY 39 YEARS AND THEY ALL LIVED VERY LONG
LIVES. BUT THERE WAS A CERTAIN DEPTH WITH BUBBA. I FEEL AS IF WE WERE
TOGETHER IN ANOTHER LIFE. I MISS HIM SO, SO MUCH. I CAN'T GET MYSELF
TOGETHER AND I KNOW I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME. MY HEART PHYSICALLY HURTS.
I WANT TO SHOUT TO THE WORLD "THIS WAS MY SON!!! HE WAS SO VERY INTELLIGENT
AND DEEP AND BEAUTIFUL AND THE BEST CAT IN THE WORLD!!! NOW HE'S GONE!!"
HE'D BEEN HEALTHY UP UNTIL RECENTLY, HE HAD A HARD TIME GETTING AROUND SO I
SCOURED THE NET AND PUT HIM ON COSEQUIN AND DURALACTIN FOR HIS JOINTS, IN
ADDITION TO ABOUT 10 OTHER HOMEOPATHIC, NATURAL DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS AND WE
HAD PHYSICAL THERAPY SESSIONS TOGETHER SEVERAL TIMES A DAY WHERE I'D GET
DOWN ON THE FLOOR WITH HIM AND WE'D WALK, WITH ME SUPPORTING HIS BELLY SO HE
WOULDN'T FALL OVER WHEN HIS BACK LEGS WOULD GIVE OUT. MONDAY HE STARTED
HAVING "PADDLE SEIZURES" WITH HIS FRONT LEGS DURING WHICH HIS NECK WOULD
ARCH BACK, I RUSHED HIM TO THE VET AND SHE TOOK CHEST X-RAYS AND DID LAB
WORK, WHICH WOULDN'T BE BACK UNTIL THE NEXT DAY (TUES). SHE SAID SHE
THOUGHT SHE SAW SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS ON HIS LIVER ON THE FILM BUT WE'D HAVE
TO WAIT FOR THE LIVER PANEL TO COME BACK. WHEN HE CONTINUED TO HAVE THE
SMALL SEIZURES SEVERAL HOURS LATER, I CALLED HER BACK AND ASKED IF WE COULDN'T
GIVE HIM SOMETHING (KNOWING CATS CAN TAKE PHENOBARB AND VALIUM IN SMALL
DOSES TO STOP SEIZURES) JUST TO GET HIM THRU THE NIGHT. SHE SAID SHE'D
RATHER WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT DAY AND SEE WHAT THE LAB WORK SHOWED. AROUND
12:30 MONDAY NIGHT HE HAD A GRAND MAL SEIZURE...BACK LEGS STARTED KICKING,
WHOLE BODY VIOLENTLY TENSE, HE CRIED OUT. HIS MOUTH WAS WIDE OPEN AS IF
GASPING FOR AIR...I HELD HIM TIGHT, KEPT BLOWING IN HIS MOUTH TO GIVE HIM
SOME AIR, AND BEGGED HIM TO "PLEASE DON'T GO. DON'T LEAVE ME. MOMMY LOVES
BUBBY!!!!!!!!!" HIS EYES WERE FIXED ON ME, AS ALWAYS. HE SEEMED TO RELAX
HIS BODY, BREATHING GOT BETTER, EVENTUALLY CLOSED HIS MOUTH, HEART RATE
SLOWED DOWN. I THOUGHT IF WE COULD JUST GET THRU THIS NIGHT, WE'D GET THE
LAB WORK BACK IN THE MORNING AND SEE WHAT'S GOING ON AND START TREATING
THAT. I GUESS I JUST DRIFTED OFF FOR THE NEXT HOUR, SINCE I HADN'T SLEPT IN
A FEW NIGHTS VERY WELL. BUT I WOKE UP AROUND 2:00 TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND
HE WAS GONE. I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM AGAIN. I WANT TO KISS HIS LITTLE NOSE
AND NUZZLE IN HIS LITTLE EARS AND SMELL HIS SWEET, BEAUTIFUL SMELL, HE
ALWAYS HAD A GOOD SMELL. I WANT HIM TO COME BACK TO ME... TUESDAY THE VET
CALLED AND SAID HIS LABWORK WAS "IMMACULATE" --NO KIDNEY FAILURE, NO THYROID
PROBS, GLUCOSE WAS OKAY, LIVER PANEL EVEN LOOKED GREAT. NO HEART FAILURE.
SHE SAID HE WAS OBVIOUSLY IN GOOD SHAPE AND SAID IT MUST'VE BEEN A BRAIN
TUMOR (FOR LACK OF A REAL DIAGNOSIS). I'M SOMEWHAT ANGRY, THINKING IF SHE'D
JUST GIVEN ME SOMETHING FOR THE SEIZURES TO GET HIM THRU THAT NIGHT...BUT I
GUESS IT COULD'VE BEEN A TUMOR PRESSING ON HIM SPINAL CORD, AFFECTING HIS
BACK LEGS. BUT MENTALLY, HE WAS 100% UNAFFECTED. STILL THE SAME LOVING,
AFFECTIONATE, SOMETIMES FEISTY, SWEET BOY OF MINE. GOD I WANT HIM TO COME
BACK TO ME. PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING TO MAKE ME NOT HURT SO MUCH. IT'S
BEEN 2 NIGHTS AND HE HASN'T COME TO ME IN MY DREAMS YET. TUES. NIGHT I
DREAMT HE HAD MORPHED INTO A BOY AND WASN'T DEAD, BUT HAD BEEN IN A
NEAR-FATAL CAR CRASH AND WAS IN ICU (I'M A NURSE IN ICU) BUT I COULDN'T GET
IN HIS ROOM TO SEE HIM, EVEN TO SEE WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE BECAUSE THERE WERE
TOO MANY PEOPLE IN HIS ROOM, LAUGHING, CLAPPING, ETC. CRAZY. I JUST WANT
TO BE ABLE TO HOLD HIM AGAIN, FOR HIM TO PURR HIS LOUD, BEAUTIFUL PURR IN MY
EAR. I KNOW I'LL SEE HIM AGAIN ONE DAY IN HEAVEN BUT I'M 39. I'VE GOT 3
HUMAN DAUGHTERS AND, HOPEFULLY--FOR THEIR SAKE--IT WILL BE A WHILE BEFORE I
WILL MAKE THAT JOURNEY. I DON'T WANT TO WAIT THE REST OF MY LIFE UNTIL I
SEE HIM AGAIN. WHAT DO I DO NOW??
I ALSO WROTE A LITTLE ABOUT THINGS HE USED TO DO...
BUBBA 5/07
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING. AS LONG AS I CAN SIT IN FRONT OF THIS
COMPUTER SCREEN AND READ YOUR LOVING WORDS, I'M OKAY. BUT WHEN I TURN
AROUND, I SEE CONSTANT REMINDERS OF MY BUBBA. I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO
THROW ANYTHING AWAY THAT WAS HIS. I EVEN CARRY HIS FUZZY PINK BLANKET
AROUND WITH ME, ROOM TO ROOM, JUST TO SMELL HIM EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE. I
EVEN TOOK IT WITH ME IN THE CAR YESTERDAY WHEN I HAD TO GO PICK HIM UP (HIS
ASHES, RATHER, I HAD HIM CREMATED). ALL I HAVE TO SHOW FOR 18 AMAZING YEARS
IS HIS ASHES AND SOME BLANKETS. ALL THAT LOVE HAS JUST EVAPORATED INTO THE
UNIVERSE. THIS IS SO SURREAL. YEH, I DO HAVE MEMORIES, LOTS OF THEM. BUT
THEY JUST MAKE ME WANT HIM BACK THAT MUCH MORE. I WANT TO POST SOME THINGS
HE DID IN HIS LIFE THAT SOME MAY FIND HARD TO BELIEVE--THINGS THAT MADE HIM
TRULY A LEGENDARY, REMARKABLE CAT TO MY FAMILY AND THE FEW FRIENDS I'VE
TOLD. MY HUSBAND AND I HAD BEEN MARRIED 7 YEARS BEFORE WE HAD OUR FIRST
CHILD SO BUBBA AND MEDINA (MY SIAMESE) WERE JUST LIKE OUR CHILDREN. I
TALKED TO THEM LIKE THEY WERE HUMAN, PLAYED GAMES SUCH AS HIDE AND SEEK
(BUBBA ALWAYS WON--HE WAS MUCH FASTER THAN POOR DINA, BLESS HER LITTLE
CROSS-EYED HEART), FETCH IN WHICH I'D TAKE A LITTLE BALLED UP PIECE OF
PAPER (USUALLY CHEWED UP GUM IN A WRAPPER) AND THROW IT AS HARD AS I COULD
DOWN THE HALL, ACROSS THE ROOM, ETC, AND HE'D RACE TO CATCH IT IN HIS MOUTH
AND BRING IT BACK AND PLACE IT IN MY HAND TO THROW AGAIN. HE LITERALLY
RIPPED APART ONE OF THOSE THICK CARDBOARD PET CARRIERS BY TAKING ONE OF HIS
LONG TALONS AND PUTTING IT THRU ONE OF THE AIR HOLES AND ESCAPED THAT THING
BEFORE I COULD GET OUT THE DOOR WITH HIM TO TAKE HIM TO THE VET. (HE WAS
FEROCIOUSLY STRONG!), IF I LEFT THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR OPEN AT ALL, AS IN
UNLOCKED, HE'D WORK HIS PAW INTO THE TINY CRACK AND SLIDE THAT HEAVY DOOR
(THAT WAS EVEN DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET OPEN TOO FAR) BACK TO GET OUTSIDE.
BUT THE MOST AMAZING THINGS HE'S DONE SHOWED WHAT AN INCREDIBLE ANIMAL HE
WAS. HE BROUGHT ME FLOWERS IN HIS MOUTH TWICE WHEN I WAS REALLY UPSET. THE
FIRST TIME, MY HUSBAND AND I WERE ARGUING, I WAS ON MY BED CRYING. I FELT
BUBBA JUMP ON THE BED AND HEARD A MUFFLED MEOW. HE HAD ONE OF MY SILK
FLOWERS--A PURPLE AND YELLOW PANSY-- IN HIS MOUTH AND HE DROPPED IT ON THE
BED, IN FRONT OF MY FACE, THEN SAT BACK AND GAZED AT ME AS IF TO SAY "I
STILL LOVE YOU." (EVERY DAY BUBBA AND I WOULD GO OUT TOGETHER AND WORK IN
MY FLOWER GARDEN--THAT, AND MAKING CRAFTS SUCH AS WREATHS, WAS MY PASSION
BEFORE I HAD KIDS). I GUESS MY "CRAFT CLOSET" THAT WAS FULL OF MY SUPPLIES
HAD BEEN LEFT OPEN. THE SECOND TIME WAS MONTHS LATER, HE BROUGHT ME A TINY
RED ROSE THAT I'D CRAFTED INTO A TIE-BACK FOR THE DINING ROOM CURTAINS.
GUESS IT HAD FALLEN ON THE FLOOR AND HE BROUGHT IT TO ME WHEN I WAS, ONCE
AGAIN, ON THE BED CRYING. I HAVEN'T TOLD MANY OF THOSE EVENTS EXCEPT THOSE
CLOSEST TO ME BUT I KNOW YOU ALL LOVED YOURS AS I LOVED MINE AND HAVE ALSO
EXPERIENCED SOME THINGS THAT PROVED THEY WERE HIGHLY INTELLECTUAL
CREATURES, TRAPPED IN LITTLE FURRY BODIES WITHOUT VOICE BOXES OR OPPOSABLE
THUMBS THAT NEVER LIVE LONG ENOUGH. WHEN MY MARRIAGE OF 17 YEARS ENDED, HE
GOT ME THRU MY DIVORCE. HE GOT ME THRU MEDINA'S AND OUR OTHER PETS' DEATHS.
I'D COME HOME, AND HE AND I WOULD GO TO BED AND LAY DOWN AND I'D HUG HIM AND
SAY "AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MY BUBBY." HE WAS THE LAST ONE. THERE ARE NO
MORE.
SO, DETTIJOH, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HAVING ANOTHER PET IF HE WAS A MALE, SOLID
BLACK (ONE WHITE WHISKER IS OKAY) MAINE COON AND I HAD SOME KIND OF
CONFIRMATION THAT BUBBA HAD BEEN REINCARNATED INTO HIS BODY. TOO SOON FOR
ANYTHING ELSE, IF EVER.
JESSIE'S MOM, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT HIM WAITING TO PASS UNTIL I WAS
ASLEEP. BUT HE DID CRY OUT A PITIFUL CRY AS HE WAS HAVING HIS LAST SEIZURE.
THAT SOUND STILL HAUNTS ME. MY MOTHER SAYS HE WAS TRYING TO SAY "I LOVE
YOU!!" BEFORE HE LEFT ME.
RAINBOW'S MOM, I'LL HAVE TO GET A LOCKET TO PUT HIS FUR IN--THAT'S A GREAT
IDEA. I HAVE A TINY KEEPSAKE URN WITH HIS ASHES IN IT AS A NECKLACE I WILL
WEAR FOREVER.
LIBBY'S MOM, THAT IS THE COOLEST THING YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE 8TH BEING THE
NEW MOON IN WHICH THE MOON GLOWS BRIGHTLY THRU THE HEAVENS--MAYBE LIGHTING
THE WAY FOR OUR BABIES. DO YOU THINK THEY ARE THERE YET?? MAYBE TOO BUSY
CATCHING UP WITH LOVED ONES WHO'VE PASSED ON BEFORE THEM. BUT I DO WISH MY
BUBBA WOULD COME VISIT ME TONIGHT. IT WILL BE THE 3RD NIGHT SINCE HE LEFT
AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU ALL--PLEASE DO THE SAME
FOR ME. THE TEARS ARE COMING IN WAVES NOW, AGAIN, AS THEY DO. THANK YOU
ALL AGAIN. LOVE AND PEACE TO YOU ALL.
CHERIE.
