On November 12th, 2006, you passed away. Like Nikki, you died with one
eye open, as if to look at me during those last seconds. I held
you and I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I just couldn’t believe I was
holding you, lifeless. My little boy…gone from this life. I had no
idea how to continue on, but I had to. I phoned the vet and made
arrangements to have you cremated. When I brought you into
the vet, she cried too.

Within two weeks I was to have your ashes back…and I was dreading that
day. I thought it would bring me comfort, but it didn’t. It brought reality
and it hurt. To know that’s all that was left of you was
unbearable. Since you and Peaches had become so close and loved
each other so much, I decided to place you in the urn Peaches was
in…along with the last egg she ever laid. I felt that the two of you
were meant to be together…in the afterlife and together in ash form.

That day, when I picked up your ashes…I told the vet that I really didn’t
like having a two bird family. That’s when she asked “How would you
like a baby lovebird that isn’t ill?" I had her repeat the question as I
couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Ann brought this tiny frightened
little lovebird into the exam room so we could meet each
other. She left us in there for a little while, alone. When she
returned to the exam room, we discussed this little girl’s
fears. You see, she had been abandoned in an ugly way and ended
up in a dumpster. Someone apparently, heard her cries, rescued her
and brought her to the vet’s office during the weeks I was waiting
for Rainbow’s ashes to come back. I’ve never seen such fear in a
little bird. I know from experience, that there is no turning back from
intensely loving an animal. I knew once she entered my home,
there would be no way I would give her up again.

I went into the chat room at Petloss and told everyone about my sorrow
and grief over losing Rainbow. I spoke of the feelings I was
having. Such a bittersweet time. I had picked up Rainbow’s ashes and
also returned with a little baby bird. It came to be that in the chat
room, that day, we named her “Crystal”. It was so special to me to
have named her with my friends at Petloss. That made it even more
perfect. So, from that day forward, she has been my little
Crystal.

I set Crystal up in Rainbow’s cage and she has been thriving ever since. It
will be a long time before Crystal will ever trust any human,
even me. She has an enormous amount of fear to get past
and it could be many years before she is healed. It is possible
that she may never trust human hands ever again. Either
way, I will love her as part of my family.

The “Circle of Life” continues and I think my stories are proof of
that. Animals and their love live in us forever, in our hearts and in our
souls. I look back over the years, and I see that each loved one had
something unique to offer. Even in death, they offered the chance for
another to be loved in their place.

I have been fortunate to love and to be loved by all the animals in my
life. There is an exquisite bond and a fulfillment that comes from loving an
animal so much. The love they have given me over the years, will
stay in my soul. I am a better person for letting them in. I am much
more complete, whole, compassionate and caring because of the
love I’ve shared with each and every animal I’ve had in my life.

Once a person has been so loved by an animal, how could one possibly
be the same person? In loving so much, I also feel the immeasurable
pain of loss. I realize that my awareness has increased and that I
have grown from loving, being loved, and also from the grief from
loss.

I will never forget my boy Rainbow, or his soul mate Peaches. I will never
forget any animal I have loved. I will choose to cherish the memories
forever…and then some.

I want to continue the legacy that I have learned from each and every
animal that I have had the pleasure of loving in my lifetime. That legacy is
to continue loving other animals that come into my life with the same
unconditional love that they so freely give.

I will embrace the pain of loss and through that pain, be able to comfort
others. I will share my pain with others in order that they may heal.