One of the most painful parts of relocating, was, that
due to international policy, I could only bring two of
my feathery family members with me. It was the law,
and there were no exceptions. I endured the long,
frightening process of deciding who I would bring. I
loved all of my family. Finally, I made my choice
based upon each birds' age and health. You Peeper, and
Rainbow were I just could not take any more. I was
afraid that this would just push me over the line
dividing sanity and insanity. I found a caring home
for Arnold, Vanity, Dicky and Dusty...you would all be
moving together, family intact. At least that part of
our family would not be separated. It was a very sad
day when I had to let you all go to a new home. Four
days before our departure...I had to say goodbye to
our family members that I did not want to leave
behind. But, I had to do what was best for them, and I
believed I had done that. I remember, the woman came,
and we packed her car with their cages, toys, food
etc...I cried when we said goodbye. I heard Arnold's
song (one last time), Vanity's chattering, and Dicky
and Dusty were peeping away...as they drove off into
the distance, to their new home. I am still hurting
because the woman, that I considered to be a friend,
never called me to let me know how that part of our
family was. Were they happy? Were they healthy? She
owed me alot of money, but, I didn't care. All I
wanted was to hear they were happy...instead I feel
they think I just abandoned them. The apartment was so
empty and strange. Our family had been split up and we
were left together. Peeper, you and Rainbow sensed the
change as well and you were both quiet. I, was afraid
of the future, all I knew was that you, Peeper, and
Rainbow were still with me. We were all bonded
tightly. I remember sitting in my apartment. All my
"stuff" and "furniture" and "appliances" were still
there...I was bringing very little with me in terms of
material goods. I felt sad. I felt that I had
abandoned the other members of our family and that
they couldn't understand that I gave them up out of
love...my apartment was so quiet. Then, he appeared at
my front door again. I called the police and I waited.
They were able to get him to leave. However, I will
never forget the fear that pushed me out of my own
apartment. But, the harsh reality was, my life, your
life Peeper, and Rainbow's lives were at risk. So, in
a panic, I got my suitcase ready and called a cab. I
was hysterical, and, if not for the kindness of the
cab driver...I would probably not be here to tell this
story now. I remember the cab, packed with suitcases,
I put you Peeper, into your traveling cage...and
Rainbow in the other side. This was the carrier that
you would be in on the plane...but, you and Rainbow
were together. I took one last look, at my apartment,
turned around, and walked out. I left everything
there. I just knew that we had to leave right away. I
had made a reservation with a hotel, and provisions
for you Peeper, and Rainbow. However, when we arrived,
the clerk at the desk was rude and uncaring. He said I
could stay, but that you and Rainbow would not be able
to stay there. The cab driver waited for me...I came
out in tears. I had no idea what to do or where to go.
I will never forget the kindness this man had in his
heart. He managed to find us a wonderful place to stay
until departure day. We were spoiled. Room service,
our own kitchen, lots of space and quiet...all the
luxuries anyone could ever want. So, there we were
Peeper, you, me and Rainbow were living in peace and
safety. I did not get to say goodbye to anyone. I did
what I had to do and I was not able to change that.
Circumstances had brought us this far, and, I couldn't
take any risks. Finally, we were on the plane. Peeper,
you and Rainbow were with me the whole time. I had
fixed the carrying cage to allow for 2 birds. You and
Rainbow were separated, only by the divider I had to
make in the travel cage. There you were, you and
Rainbow were with me on the plane. We were in the
cabin of the plane. Both of you were on the floor,
under the seat in front of me. We finally, took off.
You talked to each other during the entire flight.
Finally, we arrived at our destination. Mom and Dad
were there to pick us up at the airport and take us to
our new home. Away from the city noise, to a quiet,
beautiful place. Now, when you would look out the
window, you saw trees, birds, squirrels...instead of
cars, traffic and freeways. In time Peeper, you and
Rainbow settled in and we were finally happy again.

Personal tragedy struck our family again and again.
During these hard times, you and Rainbow were my
reasons for living. Peeper, you finally started to
play again. You and Rainbow bonded and were
inseparable. For a few years, we were a "small but
happy family", the three of us. Then, in August 1999,
I noticed you looked depressed Peeper. I thought I
could bring you out of it. I was also angry at myself
for allowing someone else to tell me you were fine.
And, at the expense of your life Peeper...I took that
advice. I am so sorry for that Peeper, it was clearly
the wrong choice. I could barely help myself, so I
went into survival mode again, and was able to help
you. That Saturday night, when I brought you to the
emergency hospital, I was terrified. Before leaving
our home, you climbed into my hand...and stayed. I
loved you as much as I could Peeper...you never really
liked to be held, and this was different. Before
leaving for the emergency animal hospital, you decided
you wanted to climb into the breast pocket of my
fleece jacket. That's where you stayed Peeper, until
we got to emergency. The staff there were really
nice...I couldn't help but smile when they placed you
in the incubator...they gave you a mirror, food,
water, and best of all a cuddly toy bear...a
Paddington Bear. It was so cute watching you snuggle
up to the soft bear. I knew your condition had become
serious. You spent the night in emergency and then
that Sunday morning, I took you to the avian
specialist. I'll never forget you Peeper, you once
again allowed me to cuddle you all the way
there...and, you found my pocket again, and climbed
inside. You were very ill Peeper, and the look on the
vet's face displayed my fear. Right from the start
Peeper, you really liked her. You were handled gently,
and you didn't even try to bite her...I knew then that
you trusted her. You were placed in an incubator
during your stay and kept warm at 93 degrees or more.
You began to respond, slowly.

At home, Rainbow was lonely, depressed, and he had
stopped eating. The vet advised me Peeper, that you
would be staying there for at least one week. That's
when I learned that, on the day you were admitted into
the hospital for 24 hour care, someone abandoned a
female lovebird named Peaches. The vet proposed that I
take care of Peaches...which would provide company for
Rainbow. We hoped that Peaches would entice Rainbow to
begin eating again...and he did start to eat again.
The next week, Rainbow and I visited you. I always
brought Rainbow with me, and when you would spot each
other...both of you would chatter back and forth. The
following week, Peeper, you were able to come back
home. Unfortunately, that meant returning Peaches, who
had literally become Rainbow's lifeline. Without her,
I don't know if Rainbow would have survived. Peaches
had been, for that brief but crucial time...your
reason for living and eating. I knew I had to return
Peaches, who would be put up for adoption once I
returned her to the vet. But, I had given my word to
the vet and I had to make good on my promise. Plus,
Peeper you would, once again, need very intense
medical care and attention once you came home. My
heart was screaming "I want to keep her" (I had fallen
in love with Peaches during her short stay...and
Rainbow did too) but I had to do the right thing. My
parents drove me to the vets. I worried the whole time
and I was getting increasingly upset. I was so happy
that you were coming home Peeper. I knew Rainbow
needed you Peeper...and you needed Rainbow. Peeper,
you were not totally cured I was told that your future
was questionable. Was it even possible? Even the vet
didn't know. Then, that uncomfortable knot in my
stomach worsened. The moment Rainbow spotted you
Peeper, it was a very intimate and beautiful reunion.
Who ever said our animals can't express feelings must
have never experienced seeing such a strong bond
between two furbabies.

Then, the time came, and Peeper, you were ready to
come home. I gave Peaches back, in her original cage,
and with all the toys I had given her during her stay
with me. I was crying as I gave Peaches back to the
vet. I didn't want to say goodbye to her, and I felt a
terrible loss as I watched Peaches stare at me as they
took her to the back room. We mutually stared at each
other - Rainbow was participating too. I was torn
between looking at you Peeper, and Peaches. Just as
Peaches disappeared, Rainbow was already sulking,
until he spotted you Peeper. At once, the two of you
were instantly happy and excited to be back together.
Finally, we made it back home. Peeper, you were so
happy to be back with your buddy Rainbow. You both
chattered and whistled back and forth all the way
home. We arrived at home, I headed to my room with you
and Rainbow. Peeper, you were so delighted to be home
again, in your own surroundings, your cage home, and
next to Rainbow again. Mom and I watched while you and
Rainbow settled in. I placed your cages side by side,
and you both "met" at the bottom corners of your
cages...as close as you could get to each other.
Peeper, your eyes said so much...and Rainbow's too.
The two of you were so happy to be together again.
Love and happiness was definitely blooming again. A
person would have to be totally numb not to
notice...or just stupid. Peeper, you and Rainbow had
to be able to see each other closely at all times. For
7 years you and Rainbow were never separated. You were
back and both you and Rainbow chattered, whistled, and
played games with each other. I remember watching you
Peeper, how you would always go to the same corner to
meet Rainbow for a chat....you both looked so happy.
Peeper, you were home again, with Rainbow. Your eyes
and actions told me that this was a happy time for
both of you. So, together again, life was beginning to
return to normal. Peeper, you and Rainbow were back
together and happy again.

Unfortunately, that only lasted a few days Peeper. You
became ill again, and this time, even more seriously
than before. So, once again, we were all on our way to
the vets. When I spoke with her on the phone, she
said, just get here...I will have everything ready forv
Peeper when he arrives.

She wasn't kidding when she said she was ready. The
incubator was ready, heated, and prepared for you
Peeper. And, you had another Teddy Bear. I forgot the
original one at home...but, the vet said I could keep
it.

When we arrived Peeper, she quickly put you into the
incubator filled with oxygen and heat. You were
amazing, as soon as you were in the incubator, you
were running around as if you were completely ok. The
vet said that was normal and within a half hour or so,
you would calm down. I will never forget that last
time I saw you Peeper...determined to show me you were
happy.

Then, the vet had a surprise for me...and, she had
Peaches ready to go home with me. Peaches had not been
adopted out, in fact, she didn't even try to find her
a home yet. Out came the vet, with Peaches...and
Peaches and Rainbow bonded again. Then, the vet talked
with me for quite a while. I could tell by the look on
her face that this was possibly the last time I would
see you Peeper. I explained to the vet how I felt I
was on a roller coaster and didn't know how to handle
everything. She was my therapist that day. She
suggested that I take Peaches and Rainbow home, and
that instead of my calling her every day...asked me to
refrain from calling for a least three weeks. She
would call me with news of any changes. She was
concerned about me Peeper, and how sad I was. I
arrived at the vets office in tears, and, I also left
in tears. I did as she asked, and, even though it was
hard, I took her advice. That following Wednesday,
August 11th, 1999, I received a call from the vet. I
knew the instant I heard her voice, that she had bad
news. She's one of the most genuine, caring, people I
have ever met. In one sentence she said, "I don't have
good news for you. At 11:00 pm, last night, Peeper
looked good. However, sometime before 7:00 am that
morning, he had died". We talked for a little while
and I knew she understood how I was feeling. I
couldn't keep myself from crying. I was torn up
inside. Peeper was gone now and I would have to carry
on. I truly believe that when she returned Peaches to
me for the second time, she had a feeling Peeper
wouldn't make it. That's why she had suggested that I
take a break from calling, so as to distance myself
before Peeper's death. She was right. then, I was
faced with another difficult decision...what to do
with your lifeless body Peeper. I never saw you after
you died, so, my memory of you will be you running
around the incubator when I brought you in the second
and final time. I asked the vet if she does necropsies
ever (autopsy). She said sometimes. I asked her if she
wanted to explore your body Peeper, so that we would
know if your illness was contagious. I mentioned I had
no money to pay for it...she said she would do it and
not charge me. So, I told her to go ahead and do it,
and to please let me know why you died. It turned out
that you have a very nasty liver disease and infection
had spread throughout your body. The good news was,
that your illness was not contagious Peeper. I feel
like this was your way of telling me that everything
would be ok...even without you. Thank you for that
Peeper. I understand now, why you had to leave - and
my love for you will never cease. I will love you
forever. I guess by now, you are having fun with your
other buddies at Rainbow Bridge. Nikki, Ozzie, Max,
Barney, Spooky....were reunited at the bridge and will
stay there until we are brought together again. Then,
we can all cross the bridge together and once again,
we will be a whole family.

It's a miracle how Peaches came into my life Peeper.
Peaches and Rainbow are getting along, but I know
Rainbow still wonders where you are. Yesterday, I woke
Peaches and Rainbow...and there, at the bottom of
Peaches home, was the whitest, most perfectly formed
egg! Peeper, I believe that Peaches came into my life,
and Rainbow's, for a reason. It is incredible how she
has so many of your traits, and when she talks and
says "Pretty Bird", it's like looking at Nikki. I know
your spirit will always live on within my heart. I
will miss you until the day we are reunited.

Peaches says to say hi to you Peeper, and, that she's
doing her best to keep Rainbow and I happy. In no way
can you be replaced Peeper, but, now I know that your
spirit is living on...and that's a wonderful thing.

The other wonderful thing is that every Monday, I get
to join others who have lost their furbabies, for the
candle ceremony. We light candles for you and all the
others waiting at Rainbow Bridge. It's always
emotional and I have cried so much. But, at least I
know and believe that you can see and hear me...and
tell the others that we will meet again.

We will meet again, my little buddy Peeper....please
wait for me and tell the others we will all be
together again someday. I'm sorry that you had such a
rough life Peeper, but it was out of our control. I
will always remember you as a fighter...right to the
end. Remember always that "I love you Peeper" and I
still can't believe you are not here. I miss you
terribly and so does Rainbow....

Love your mommy, Suzie

Butterflies are free to fly...