How dared I not to realize that I had it all when your beautiful presence filled this emptiness
I wasn´t aware I had in my soul? Now I have learned what loneliness means, now I have learned
what regret and guilt means, now I have learned what “too late” means, and it is so cruel.
This life does not feel right without you, I only exist now.
Thank you for the privilege of walking by your side, for your smile, for your forgiveness, for always being happy,
thank you for making me laugh, for your precious _expression, for those eyes, always watchful,
and, now I come to think about it…. You knew it, didn´t you?, that´s why you were watching my every thought, god,
you always knew I would have to get through this….
Without your physical presence, it feels so lonely…..
I miss you so much.
Thank you, my angel, for your two last weeks, when I needed you most, I love you so much
and, since I can feel so much love for you, since I so desperately miss you, that can only mean that you feel
the same, how can all this feelings don´t find a recipient and just fade away in the nothingness?
If you weren´t real right now, right here, how could I then feel my soul screaming for you?
Because the soul knows, and it calls, and it will not be whole again, until we re-unite on the eternal beach
of laughs and play, and, God, so many holes to be digged are waiting, and so much shore to be runned upon,
and so much sand to get messy with, so many sticks to fetch! Everything´s being arranged right now, for you and
me, and for all the little friends, they are all waiting.
But I know, my love, that you´re not there yet, that you´re right at the Gates, waiting for me, just wait longer my
my precious puppy, wait, like you have always done, you know I always come home, time is not important.
Thank you for your precious company, and for all the memories of walks on
the snow, or under the sun, for your smile an laughs, for your happiness.
I know your presence surrounds me all the time, and that I choose to close
my eyes and look at the past only, but that past somehow feels as if it never
went away, and is alive, and is my definition of Heaven.
A past that I want so bad to come back…..
I’ll come back home to you, as I have always done… you know that.
©J.C. Stewart~BarTendersBluesWolf~February 23, 2006