He just wandered up to the house 2/26/03, He may have been here earlier than that and just not seen. He was a doll, loving and gentle. I asked my hubby, had he seen the big headed cat that was hanging out around the house with our feral colony. Living on a very busy road I was worried he would be hurt or killed in the road, he was obviously a family pet and I wanted to find that family and return him home. He was not small, but he really wasn’t a big cat then, the vets guessed him to be about 6 months old. He had the daintiest little feet, and a huge head. We would joke he had already outgrown his feet, and he would be big enough to ride if he grew to match his head. We did not plan to name him, we were only going to keep him safe till we found his people, he was just the big headed cat.

We decided to get him checked out and just keep him in the house until we could find his people. Since he was nearing that age, we had him neutered, the vet who we took him to said he likely had been dumped since he was undescended and neutering was going to cost more (and how much more depended on how much hunting they had to do). Ads were run, photos were taken to various vets and the shelter – and we did get responses. One couple came and left crying, they had so hoped he was their boy, but when they came by he wasn’t. Days passed, then months and years - the nick name just kind of stuck, and he became Big Head, Big Big, or just Big. He grew into a beautiful silver tabby, grew to fit the size of his head, and always had tiny dainty feet and a tendency to be a bit overweight. He had many traits that seemed to indicate he was part or all Maine Coon, like drinking from his paws and his size. As time passed it became clear we were not going to reunite him with his family, so our focus became finding him a forever home.

On a visit to hubby’s mom we were talking about all the foster kitties and his niece asked if we had any photos of them, since I had some online we showed them to her. She and her then hubby saw Big and fell in love, we arranged to bring him up for a meet and greet and he stayed there the spring of 2007. After a time, for personal reasons, she could not keep Big Big for a while, and if she gave him to someone else or the shelter she knew he would never come back to her. So Big came back to us, temporarily. On 1/11/09 we returned Big to her.

I don’t know what the whole story after that is; I have never even been told exactly when Big passed from this plane. When he was adopted the only promises I asked were that he be maintained as an indoors only kitty and if there was ever a reason she could not keep him that she let us know and we would take him back. He had been bad about bolting out the door during his first time there so when he came back I worked with him on not bolting out and he had done well learning to stay in. The first week of December 2009 he ran outside with another cat and our niece looked for him for about half the day until she had to go take care of her grandma. When she got home he was in the road. She went and got him and buried him at her grandmas’. She told me later “I GOT HIM A CAT CASKET AND EVERYTHING, IT BROKE MY HEART. I DON'T THINK I’ll EVER GET OVER IT. We found out New Year’s Eve 2009 that at some point that year he had been outside, been hit by a vehicle, and he had died. I knew no more than that for a time, not why he was out, not when this all happened, not was it at least fast, not how she cared for his remains, only that he was gone and somehow in the big picture it just didn’t seem right. All my heart really knows is he is gone and he is missed. I miss you Big Boy.

I will always need you, your gentle kindness,
The wisdom you share from life’s journey,
The light you shine to banish the darkness,
How you find what is special in me.

I will always hold to your strong hands
And know they gently cradle my heart
As you guide me through life’s wilderness
Sharing beauty she alone can impart

I will always listen to the words you share
And see the vision I have seen in your eyes
That the world can become better if we care
And with love we can see a better place arise

I will always feel you here by my side
Guiding me and helping me to stand
There is no obstacle we cannot take in stride
Or distance that cannot be spanned

And even now in time’s shifting sands
I know you will ever be there for me
Ever as close as a heartbeat will we stand
No farther than a whisper for all the time to be

So if you walk on ahead to the stardust fields
I will know that you still watch over me
So that you can share the truths that path yields
Where we will all share in eternity

© Candace 2/12/09

Feeling alone in the grayness that is
And the soft mist clouds true vision.
Searching for truths that seem gone
As breath and heartbeat both quicken.

But listen with the heart, not ears,
For the song in life’s web it can hear
And step to all the steps in her dance
It knows those who love are ever near

A hand reached out will be answered
By love, for love leaves us not.
A kindred soul that is seeking
Is guided by whom it was taught.

For a child will always need answers,
Will seek guidance from one who is wise
So they reach and touch the silver cord
That connects us forever in time

Alone, set adrift by time and the fates
If we listen we’re never alone
Those gone ahead keep watch o’er us
Till at last they may watch us come home.

© Candace 3/29/09

True love cannot die, it is eternal

When the waves of Sorrow lap at your feet,
And they work up to your heart.
Silver hued tears run down your cheeks,
And naught but sadness does impart.

Think of this place called Rainbow’s Bridge,
And the wondrous glory there.
A silent shadow looks down from a ridge,
And stands on edge your hair.

What is this wondrous graceful sound I hear,
That whispers to me on the breeze?
It is a sound that whispers peace,
And fills my heart with ease.

Is this my love that comes to me,
And whispers on the breeze?
It seems to say feel not guilt,
Listen to my whispers please.

Daddy, mommy, I Love You,
Forever and one day.
In your heart feel not blue,
Just listen to what I say.

I speak to you with sounds of love,
From high upon this ridge.
I wait for you to come above,
I’m happy at Rainbow Bridge.

Written by
LoboWolf
aka Don Dade
10/03.2003

Light a candle in Big Big's memory, for a sick, abused, or special needs furbaby, or perhaps just someone who needs a prayer and a candle lit.